DPT 2011 > ARR 2012
A bead of sweat drips off my nose. I find my own eyes in the mirror in front of me. My once neat bun on the top of my head now sits on a (somewhat crazy) angle. My face is some intense shade of red. Once again, I find myself in the mercy of Nielle - one of my yoga instructors who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. As usual, she provides a thoughtful theme for practice: we consider our choices from the year prior and reflect upon the year ahead. Departing: 2011. Arriving: 2012.
It would be easier for me to somewhat disregard 2011 as a crazy fluke year, and think of 2012 is a clean slate. But somewhere in between garudasana on my right and garudasana on my left, I begin to give 2011 a little more credit. Sure, 2011 was tough. Tough in ways that I’d like not to repeat. I learned about loss - the kind of loss that catches you off guard, knocks the wind out of you and shows you that tears can be silent and out loud. The kind of loss that makes you realize just how vulnerable you can be. I wrap my arms a little tighter. A voice in my head says “Squeeze your elbows. Press your palms. Straighten your back! Wrap your right toe … you got it. Just a little bit more…” And I return to my reflection. Yes, there was loss. Everyone goes through it. It SUCKS, but you can’t focus on that forever. So what have I learned? Here’s what 2011 uncovered for me - Friends can surprise you. Parents can surprise you. People can be giving, and be giving beyond what is even remotely convenient. I found the friends that would literally drop everything to be my side. I found that my husband is truly, 100%, my rock. I inhale … and then exhale … release.
2011 also taught me that I can be a teacher. I started becoming “serious” with my yoga relationship this past year. Teacher training called to me and I had the enormous fortune of going through the journey with many other teachers who felt their calling too. I learned that I could be passionate about something that was bigger than me, and that it was okay that I didn’t know everything right off the bat. That yoga truly is a journey. I stand up on my knees and lean back for ustrasana. It’s as if Nielle is talking directly to me. “Move your hips over your knees - that will make it easier. Relax your neck. Bring your shoulder blades together” I feel myself go deeper in this posture than I ever have before. The normal wave of nausea that I feel here doesn’t arrive. I feel calm. 2011 pushed me. Showed me that I am stronger than I ever thought. As I enter 2012, I feel strangely prepared and light and joyful at the same time. Is that a weird combination? I release my ankles and slowly unroll my vertebrae and come to a seat on my ankles, palms upwards in my lap. I realize - I am open; I am receptive - the difference between 2011 and 2012 is in me.
Our 75 minute sweatfest has come to a close. I allow myself to fall into savasana and I gently bid 2011 adieu as I immerse myself in what is to come for 2012.
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